God, the one and only -
I'll wait as long as He says
Everything I need comes from Him
So why not?
I had a moment of clarity the other day and the words spoken in that moment have been bouncing around in my head for a good week. And by bouncing, I really mean that unsettling-I-can't-stop-thinking-about-it-it-won't-leave-me-alone kind of thing. This is different from the times I ruminate (the word choice is for you, Erik) on a word or phrase and feel truth being absorbed into my system. This is more like a boxing match and I am losing.
The First Round
It started with Psalm 62 (above) that a friend posted on her Facebook page. In that moment while sipping on my french press for the morning I realized there is no other thing to "do" but wait. So much of what I do is out of my own restlessness and impatience. I started asking myself, "What matters?" More importantly, "Who matters?" and "What is this waiting thing all about?" After all, I have a 6 year old and a 3 year old - surely I've got this patience thing down. Turns out...
This round has been a long one. It is largely made up of me taking lots of swings and punching the air. So I haven't made any real contact, but I'm really tired out! (It's almost like my opponent let me come to the end of myself.) I'm thirsty. I'm irritable. Nothing is satisfying. I am indecisive and insecure. I'm saying things I don't mean to say. I doubt. At this point, I just want Him get it over with and knock me out.
The Knockout Punch(es)
Inside I am frazzled and desperate. I think it's beginning to show. So I turned to what I always turn to: worship.
I started singing this song (based on John 5:19, "I tell you the truth, the Son can do nothing by himself; he can do only what he sees his Father doing.")
Where You Go I Go (YouTube link)
Where You go I go
What You say I say God
What You pray I pray
What You pray I pray
Jesus only did what He saw You do
He would only say what He heard You speak
He would only move when He saw You lead
Following Your heart, following Your Spirit
How can I expect to walk without You
When every move that Jesus made was in surrender
I cannot begin to live without You
You alone are worthy, You are always good
How can I follow Jesus if I don't wait on God? Waiting is being with Him. It is so simple, yet profound: Waiting on God and following Jesus is about being present. (Side note, do you see how this becomes fellowship, relationship, and community. ) Is there anything worth doing that isn't lead by Him? And the best part: the task becomes secondary to Him. And in that place of friendship, love and service, is there anything we wouldn't do for Him?
Lying flat on my back I started singing this hymn today:
Be Thou my Vision, O Lord of my heart;
Naught be all else to me, save that Thou art.
Thou my best Thought, by day or by night,
Waking or sleeping, Thy presence my light.
Be Thou my Wisdom, and Thou my true Word;
I ever with Thee and Thou with me, Lord;
Thou my great Father, I Thy true son;
Thou in me dwelling, and I with Thee one.
Be Thou my battle Shield, Sword for the fight;
Be Thou my Dignity, Thou my Delight;
Thou my soul’s Shelter, Thou my high Tower:
Raise Thou me heavenward, O Power of my power.
Riches I heed not, nor man’s empty praise,
Thou mine Inheritance, now and always:
Thou and Thou only, first in my heart,
High King of Heaven, my Treasure Thou art.
High King of Heaven, my victory won,
May I reach Heaven’s joys, O bright Heaven’s Sun!
Heart of my own heart, whatever befall,
Still be my Vision, O Ruler of all.