quitter, planter, and dreamer (3 in 1)

sunia here. 7:30am.

biggest personal struggle: finishing.

in my basement i have a large tub of yarn, crochet hooks, and the beginnings of blankets that have become potential scarves. my sewing tub holds material and patterns to make pretty dresses for an 18 month-old. she is now seven. my bookshelf has a half dozen of uncompleted journals. those journals hold over twenty unfinished songs. soon, those journals will have their own bin that will join the others in the darkest corner of my basement.

loose ends. like the ones on my cheap target dresses that go through the wash once and come out with feathered seams.

i can put them out of sight. but not completely out of mind.

**

i took a trip to minnesota and jesus met me there. since then i've been stuck on cultivating my inner life. my spiritual life is like a garden: it's been winter for a long time, the ground needs to be torn up, nutrients need to be worked in, and seeds need to be planted. it is hard work.

especially for someone who quits.

**

you won't relent until you have it all
my heart is yours
come be the fire inside of me
come be the flame upon my heart

**

some days, planting a church in portland is like standing at the edge of a cornfield in iowa in march with one of these:

some days, i imagine the church in portland will be like the warmth of the late summer sun on my skin, the rhythm of friends and family harvesting together, content, happy, and wondering where we will store it all.

**

So neither he who plants nor he who waters is anything, but only God, who makes things grow. - Apostle Paul